About 2 months ago Soren surprised me one early morning with breakfast in bed! It was for no reason at all but just to show me he loves me. Sooo sweet! We have never done breakfast in bed for anyone, so I am not sure how exactly he came up with it or how he knew just what to do. He made me some cherios and fruit and a glass of milk all on a cookie sheet that he carefully brought into me with Xander in tow. Talk about make a mothers day! I couldn't believe how sweet/thoughtful/and capable Soren was.
This morning I woke up at 6:30am to a very excited Soren yelling "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom" as he dashed around the house looking for me. You see Xander had his tonsils out on Tuesday and we have had some rough nights. To help Ryan sleep better and decrease my distance on the very frequent trips of comforting and drug dispensing to Xander, I have been sleeping in the guest room for the last couple of nights. So needless to say, Soren didn't didn't know where I was.
"What is going on Soren?" I groggily slurred out.
"Mom, I am already for school. I even made my lunch." Soren was fully dressed and had his coat and backpack on. Life quickly flooded into me as I investigated this "lunch" he made. Could it be? Will I forever be off the hook of lunch making? I opened his lunch box to find a bag of chips, 5 pieces of candy, 5 little pickles nicely placed in a plastic bag, a plum and a sandwich tupperware box. "So far so good.....although perhaps we should cut down on the pickles and candy and perhaps add some carrots, but please this is a self initiated lunch - I am not going to be picky!" I thought to myself.
"Did you make a sandwich too?" I inquired as I began opening the tupperware.
"Yeah, but the bread is a little weird."
I have been making all our bread for a couple of months now and so you have to cut your own bread slices to make a sandwich. His sandwich was a turkey and cheese sandwich and the bottom crust although uneven was one piece, but the top crust was a jigsaw puzzle of 3 pieces - but still oh so edible. Wow, was I impressed. "Your hired" I thought to myself.
Q -"Soren, that is so great. You did a wonderful job. Wow! You are such a big boy. Thank you!"
Soren beamed as he stated, "Yeah, so I am already for school. Lets go!"
Q - "Well, I am sorry to be a barrier of bad news but it is 6:30 in the morning and school isn't for another 2.5 hrs. Your friends are probably still sleeping. Sorry kido. Why don't you make something with your legos." And so he did.
As I dropped him off to school my mind has been thinking of all the independent possibilities.
In the world right now, there is a disturbing pattern in some young adults that come from functional, loving, hardworking families, but these young adults are a little handicapped in life. They struggle making things happen for themselves, have poor self esteem, don't have many skills ect. They often have even gone through college, gotten a degree in something, but still are what I call "floating" around. I have noticed this a lot amongst people I knew from high school and have reconnected with via facebook. I have also read several articles confirming what I have noticed. Even close people I know, come from families with very handy Dad's, but often the sons are not handy at all. What is going on?! One of the things I want most for my boys is if they want something, they will have enough self-esteem, knowledge, determination, and/or confidence to go out and get it - whatever that "thing" is. So this little pattern I have seen disturbs me greatly, because like I have said these adults come from great, involved families. So what is happening? My sister Janea told me about a good friend of hers that is very handy, capable, and hardworking. She told me all his siblings are like that and they learned everything from their Dad. You see, their Dad has cerebral palsy and is in a wheelchair. His father must be brilliant because although he can't physically fix a leaky pipe, he somehow learned how and so his kids were his hands for him. As the father sat in his wheel chair passing tools to his kids, he gave them directions to fix and build what they needed. End result - highly capable, hardworking and confident children. As I pondered this I realized that I came from a family of 8 with a lot of financial issue and parents that were stretched quite thin at times. My mom would describe many of my younger years at "just surviving." Because my Mom and Dad were stretched so thin and couldn't pay for the holes, they were depended on us to step up and be responsible. They couldn't give us everything we wanted. Some of my siblings might argue they couldn't give most things they wanted. Needless to say, we had to be very involved to make happen what we wanted. Turns out this lack of ability to provide, provided us with way more skills and abilities that has served us with even greater rewards ever since. Even though we all have different interest, all my siblings are very capable in what interest them. And despite our handycaps (like ADD, dyslexia, turrets, poor memories ect.), we all pretty much have positive self-estems and think we can do anything.
So, as mother of 2 with finances way better then my parents, how do I make sure my kids get what I really want them to have, confidence, capabilities, hard work ethic and positive self esteem - because it seems being a loving, good, providing family, doesn't always get you these results. What my society says I should provide my kids with do not seem to be the key one needs to unlock these attributes. This is something I must ponder now, because it is apparent to me that today I build the foundation and the frame work for such attributes. Today Soren reminded me he is way more capable then I have given him credit for. I hope my own selfishness of saving time, getting things done "right", preventing messes ect, doesn't clip his wings. This boy wants to fly. My situation isn't forcing me to depend on him to rise to the occasion. So now I have to figure out this balance since I have so many options. Options are really great, but if you want the best then you have to choose wisely.......and when you have kids young and have options, that means you have to get smart fast. I hope I can pull this off.
2 comments:
That is amazing! Good job, Soren! I know people like the ones you describe ;), and am one of them to some degree, but I was forced in a lot of ways to pick up the slack. It really is invaluable. How do we teach people how to be adults if we don't let them try progressively harder things? It's what God does.
You are a great and insightful mom. I too think of those things. I want my kids to be hard working, independent, and have great self esteem. I don't want them to fall into the ways of the world. With parents like you and Ryan, your kids will do just fine. Keep up the good work!
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