Girlscamp

I went to Girls camp this year as the camp nurse. I haven't been back since I was a 4th year leader when I was 6 months pregnant with Soren.....for 6 years ago. Man it was so fun. I really am made for girls camp. It is strange because the type of "camping" really isn't my cup of tea. I veiw myself as a "real" camper - or more ideally I would like to be backpacking. But getting together with a lot of awesome woman and girls joking, laughing, being goofy and loving each other compensates for the style of "camping". My co-nurse was Cathy Gilman and I LOVED her. She was perfect. She is a labor and delivery nurse and so I assigned her to comfort anyone who needed some TLC and I would do any life saving or procedural interventions. But the best part about Cathy was on the first morning when she walked into the medical tent and said, "Whatcha doing?" "Oh I am writing a song we are going to sing at role call." and she replied without missing a beat, "Okay." She was the best partner EVER! We did these medical song each morning reminding the girls to drink water and eat healthy and do morning excersizes. The girls loved it and we were superstars. It was so much fun. When I would go to the stage I would just raise my arms up in the air like they should be screaming for me and they would just scream and cheer louder. I seriously felt like a superstar. It was strange and fun all at the same time.
The leaders get to camp a day in advance to get ready for camp. I was itching to lash something. My mom was my leader my first year at girls camp and she taught us how to lash water stations, wash stations and the like - something she taught me in normal camping too. I always thought it was so cool to make stuff out of rope and sticks and limbs. And so, coming back to girls camp, I knew I needed to lash something. I didn't know what until I got there. I realized we needed more organization for our medical supplies.

Meet my shelf. It was awesome. For the first few days people would come by just to see the shelf. it was that cool.

Girlfriends

You may think this title is for me. Where I blog about all the girlfriends I have and love. Well, although I should do that, that is not what this title is for. This title is for Soren's girlfriend. That is right, by son has his first girlfriend. He has asked several girls to marry him last year in preschool, but this is his first girlfriend - or so he tells me. Today after church he comes running up to me and whispers, "McKenzie and I are boyfriend and girlfriend.

Quinae, "Oh? How do you know that?"

Soren, "We just decided now in the hall. We both said we would be each others boyfriend and girlfriend."

Not knowing what to say I just said, "Well, congratulations Soren."

McKenzie is our 6yr old neighbor directly behind us. We don't have a fence between us and the kids go over to each others houses freely. She is adorable as all the kids are over there and there is no way he isn't going to fall in love with her and perhaps all her sisters. The first thing I thought was, "Awesome. My son is already in love with the girl next door. His life is going to be filled with drama and heart ache." After getting home from church and thinking more of this I thought we should talk more of the subject.

Quinae, "Soren, did you know the prophet taught us we shouldn't date until we are 16?"

Soren, "Yeah, primary taught me that."

Surprised and doubtful, I decided to investigate this more.

Quinae, "What is dating?" (we have never talked about dating or girlfriends for that matter)

Xander jumps in with, "I know what dating is. Dating is when 2 people go off with each other."

Soren, "Yeah and they go to a movie and eat dinner.

Wow, maybe primary has taught this.

Investigating Soren's knowledge more I ask, "What do boyfriend and girlfriends do?"

Soren, "I don't know. Well, actually I do but it is a secret."

Trying to get some early brain washing in I say, "Actually real boyfriend and girlfriends always tell their mom's everything they do."

And without missing a beat Soren said, "Not this boyfriend."

I laughed out of shock and stress.

15 minutes later Soren shows me a card that has hearts and his name on it. He was trying to spell the word dancing but screwed up and ended up cutting it out. He then announced his intentions.

Soren, "Mom, can I run over and give this to McKenzie?"

Quinae, "What is it?"

Soren, "It is a card for a dance show."

Quinae, "What is a dance show?"

Soren, "A dance show is when she comes over to my house and I dance for her..........and then we eat dinner."

Quinae, "Is that a date" That kind of sounds like a date."

Soren, "No, it is just dancing and dinner."

I promptly called McKenzie's Mom to relay this whole story as Soren gives the card to McKenzie in the backyard.

Alita, "Wow, good luck with that"

Quinae, "Hey, I am calling you for advice!"

I never in a million years thought I would talk about dating with my 5 year old boy.

He really does love girls and beautiful girly things. When I came back form girls camp my fingernails were painted and I was wearing a necklace, but my hair was disheveled and my clothes were dirty. Upon my return, in true awe and appreciation Soren declared, "Mom you're so beautiful!" And then he touched my necklace and stroked my nails.

That evening we went to a friends for a BBQ and there was a pretty woman with painted nails, nice makeup and done up hair. At some point in the evening he picked a perfect rose from the garden, walked up to her and smiled and gave it to her and walked away. She was so amazed by the gesture she couldn't help but talk about it for 10 minutes. Later I was talking to her and Soren came up to me to ask a question. Before he could I said, "Soren, I heard you gave this lady a rose. That was so nice." He embarrassingly smiled and briefly buried his face in my elbow.

He is so cute........and I am totally scared for the future.

Hiking Hiccups

We have been trying to go hiking at least every other week this summer. The boys have loved it and so have I. We go on 2 - 4 mile round trip hikes. Soren hikes like a pro but Xander get tired easier and at times can dawdle.

One hike we hiked up to a lake with poor access. I am always trying to find a 2 mile hike fairly local up to lakes - this is not that easy. I was so excited about this one but the final destination was a little less then picturesque. The only access was this area with a log jam. The boys thought it was great though and wanted to walk out on the logs and eat their lunch. These logs are floating in shallow water. Although I knew they wouldn't die, I was worried about them falling in, getting soaked and freezing the rest of the hike. However, keeping off the logs deemed too hard.

They did great balancing walking on them, which was good because despite repeatedly reminding them of the looming threat of getting wet, they kept going back and forth from land to log. Finally it was time to leave and head back down. I called them to come and they delightfully obliged. Soren got on land like a pro and Xander was right behind him. 12 inches from land, he fell of. HE FELL OFF! Into the lake. It was only 12 inches deep but he fell sideways and totally submerge himself. That is not easy to do. The fear had been realized. I sighed as he screamed in horror at the flash of freezing. I stripped down a screaming Xander slowly taking in his clothing options. This is what we came up with.

Luckily he didn't have his jacket on at the time of the fall and I wrapped Soren's windbreaker on like a skirt. He had to wear his wet shoes and underwear. After giving him a sucker Xander didn't complain much.

Year one of brain washing my kids into loving the great outdoors - check.

Working Mom

I got a new job working at Good Samaritan Hospital in their ICU. I had been working at a long term ventilator specialty hospital for the last 1.5 yrs as there were few positions open in other hospitals. Regional Hospital (my old job) was fairly close to my house, paid well, and was very accommodating to when I wanted to work. However the patient population was not my favorite. I worked with people who were very difficult to get off the breathing machine and so they were often all around very sick and had sad stories and most, with poor outcomes. Before I went to work there, I was thinking of not working in the ICU anymore because it was so sad and draining. Well, now I am so excited to work in the ICU again where there is so much hope and happiness.

Good Samaritan puts their new employees through a very thorough orientation. It lasted 1.5 weeks of full time 8 hr days. Remember I have been an agency nurse for years so I am use to walking in to a new hospital, not know where anything is, how to chart or who anyone is and get a 5 min orientation around the unit and begin working. Although it was long and at time boring, I am very glad to get some orientation. It makes me think the hospital is smart and cares. So far I have been really impressed with Good Samaritan and am very excited to start on the floor on Monday.

So for this last week and a half, it gave me a taste of what it would be like being a working mom in "real life" meaning, the hours normal people work - 8-5pm everyday. One day I went to work, came home and ate dinner and spent about an hour with my family and then went to a meeting. It was wild. It gave me new perspective about what the Dad's go through as it was a typical schedule for a lot of my friends husbands.

So this is what I got out the week in this new perspective.

• When you work full time it shifts your whole perspective. Instead of thinking of my kids and family and what needs to be done at home, I thought of work, since that is what I was doing. Soren had his first field trip and I didn't send him off or welcome him home and I wasn't a volunteer. Instead I was behaving like a working professional in my business casual clothes reviewing Good Samaritans policy on running a code.
• My kids are loyal to the one who they see the most. Just after 3 days of me working and Ryan home, they didn't want to have anything to do with me. What?! "I want to sit by Dad." "No I want to sit by Dad."
• There is very little to no free time. The last 4 days of my training, Ryan worked too so we had Grandma's and a friend watch the boys (thank you all!!). I would pick up the boys at 5 or 5:30 and then do the dinner bedtime routine and then get ready for the next day.. The weekend Ryan had to work so I was just doing boring maintenance stuff trying to get caught up over the weekend.
• I am so lucky to get to stay home most the time. I love staying home with the boys, even when they drive me crazy and I call one of you up exasperated from the last event. I could very easily work full time or even more then just a day a week, but I do not want to. Sometimes I feel like I have to defend that position even to some surprising people in my life, but defend I will because no matter how enticing advancing my career may seem, advancing my motherhood seems even better.
• I am so lucky to be able to work a little at a job that I love, pays well and is very mom friendly. True there are times when I feel like all I do is take care of people at home and then escape to work only to take care of more people, and yes there are parts I could do without, but over all I am very very happy to be a nurse and so lucky to be able to make some money for my family if/when they need it.

Overall assessment - working full time 8 hr days is terrible. I love my normally abnormal schedule.

Biking Orcas Island

Over memorial weekend the boys and I went on a 4 day bike trip to Orcas Island. Ryan had to work and didn't want to come anyways so it worked out well for all. This is a trip that my sister Rochelle has gone on for years and their family loves it. I wanted to go last year but without Ryan I thought Xander might die with a 2:1 ration child to adult. I decided this year he was better at following direction and felt more comfortable going by myself. I am glad we did because it was a BLAST! There was a group of 63 this year (smaller then years past). The group consists of families - boy heavy in gender. No problems for me because that also describes us. The ride is 13 miles and incredibly hilly. Despite my drive to find a double tow behind, we continued with our usual bike set up - Xander in a chair up front and Soren in the back peddling. I have done this bike set up for the past 2 summers, however turns out every year kids get heavier. I calculated I was probably carrying 110 - 120 extra pounds. There is a hill that is a mile long. Needless to say I did some hill walking, all the time resolving to get in better shape - I don't believe in hill walking. Riding to the campgrounds pretty much kicked my hinny hoe. But, it was sunny and beautiful that day and the san juan islands with sun is probably one of the most beautiful places. It is so charming that you temporarily forget the horrific reality of ferries and lack of employment and think to yourself, "I wish I could live here."When we arrived we saw this beautiful campgrounds and facilities. Camp Moran is delightful. These picture are particularly for my local friends in trying to convince you to go on this trip with me next year. Isn't dreamy?? There is hiking, swimming in the lake, fishing, canoeing, campfires, games and more. All breakfast and dinners are provided and you only have to help once in the kitchen either cleaning or preparing. My kids had so much fun helping clean up that they wanted to help out every time after that. The people who put this one are so friendly and nice and were always happy for extra hands - even little ones.

The camp is on a cute lake. It had a great dock and the kids enjoyed unsuccessful fishing and swimming in 65 degree weather. I enjoyed watching.

There seem to always be people playing games in the lodge. Soren learned about chess from his 6 year old cousin. I was busy with the 3 year olds so I don't know the sort of rules they decided on but whatever it was Soren loved it. Soren now can set up the board correctly and plays away - not always with an opponent. Kings, Queens, knights, castles - that is right up his alley. My boy looks like a genius in this picture as he contemplates how to crush his opponent. Your going down Jaden!

We wiped out Xander every day and by 4 or 5 pm, no matter where he was Xander couldn't seem to keep his eyes open.

There was a large group of teenage boys. These were the nicest teenage boys I have ever meet. They were so cooperative and pleasant. They ran together in a group and no one was left out. By the last night Xander caught wind of them and wanted to hang out with them the rest of the time - the amazing part was how nice and willing the boys were to play and talk with my boys. I found it fascinating that even though Xander didn't know these kids at all and they were all so much older then him, he had no problems dominating the conversation the WHOLE time he was with them.

We had a campfire one night and they put on an impromptu talent show. People stood up and told jokes, stories and lead camp song. Everyone was more then happy to participate. Even when the official campfire was over a group of teenage boys and a seperate group of adults stayed behind singing different camp songs. It was like the wholesome fun out of leave it to beaver.

We did have a little incident the first night. Soren fell off the top bunk on to the cement floor in the middle of the night. We are so grateful to God we didn't have any neuro injuries or bone fractures. This story is a wee bit longer then the version I am giving you but know that we were truly blessed.

Look at that. All smiles only 10 hrs after the fall. One tough kid.

We went on a hike one day and saw 3 water falls. It was a bit overcast and cold this day and I made Xander wear pants and a light fleece jacket. In true Xander form, 5 minutes after taking this picture Xander striped down to look like this the rest of the hike.

I love this picture with Xander running in the background. Who let him loose? This picture also features Soren shiner.
One of my fellow campers offered to take on of my kids on his bike for the ride back. It isn't as weird as your thinking. I knew this guy from a neighboring ward and we biked together the whole way back.. It was awesome being 70 pounds lighter (he took Soren). I felt like super woman. There was no hill that could defeat me!!! (granted it is more down hill compared to the way there - but shhhh my psyche does not need to know that.)

Like clockwork Xander fell asleep on the ride back just a mile from the ferry. 40# of dead weight is not the same as 40# of weight.

My sister and our family at the finish line. They were great to spend time with on the trip. Xander asks if we can go back about every other day. "Noted. You loved it. But we have to wait a year."

Mourning with those......

This is an experience that I had a few days ago that I would like to share. It is personal and isn't like my usual post. In my job I usually get the opportunity to help people get better, but somedays I get the opportunity to help people advance form this life to the next. This is about such an experience.

I got an opportunity to be apart of a woman’s passing. I was the nurse of Jane Doe. An obese woman who ended up dying from her weight and all the complications that arise from it. She was morbidly obese. I took care of her for the first time 4 days prior to her death and she looked bad then. She was on dialysis every day and was so sick she was unable to tolerate even a gentle wean from the ventilator. She was so swollen that even her upper ears were puffy - that is hard to do. Despite dialysis, on the day she died, you couldn’t even pry open her eyelid to check her pupils, she was so fluid overladed and swollen. If you did get her eye lids apart her whites of the eyes were so puffy that it filled the void instantly making it impossible to see the pupil. It took 5 people to turn and clean her up. How long could this go on? Without intervention perhaps days, maybe even a week or two or more. Modern medicine is amazing at what it can keep alive.

That day her husband walked in with resolution in his voice, “She can’t go on anymore like this. We should stop.” This patient had been in the hospital since January. Relief filled me at these words. Before he came in I was ethically challenged every time I walked in that room. It was hard to see a person like that and it felt so futile. I talked with the husband verifying if the timing of today would be best for him, the patient and their family. He sobbed as he told me yes. After the orders were in place he vacillated back and forth about wether this was the right thing to do. Every person (medical staff, family and friends) reaffirmed him, and this was helpful to him in proceeding but not in completely dissipating the fear. He had so much guilt for the state she was in. These are not good emotions to feel. I hurt for him that he not only has to suffer the sadness and unwanted change that comes from the loss of a loved one, but to battle guilt and doubt as well, will be a difficult path for him. One downside of our advance medicine is that we can be put in positions where we think we are killing our loved ones when withdrawing medical care. Without proper understanding that is exactly what it looks or feels like. However when one understands the human body and what our medicine is really doing we learn that keeping a body pink and warm and a heart pumping, is not always a real “life”. Living is not merely defined by the temperature of your flesh. Our advance medicine does not make ethical decisions - the people who use it must be the ones to make those decisions, and it can be so hard - especially without knowledge prior to such events.

We began the weaning process at 11:30am. I turned off all the meds including the blood pressure medication that was keeping her blood pressure perfusing all her organs and increased her pain and sedation meds. The respiratory therapist (RT) began a slow wean from lots of breathing support to letting her breath on her own. Right before we began the husband noticed my CTR ring. “Are you mormon?” he asked. Come to find out the family was LDS from a local stake. In an instant I knew so much more about this family and they knew so much more about me. We started saying words like relief society, home teachers, priesthood blessings and it immediately advanced our connection. I was not only his wife's nurse, but also a believer in God, the priesthood, and that families are forever. Death is so very much spiritual. If you are religious you believe you leave your physical body and go into a spiritual world. You, your life and your relationships continue.

His wife death was a very hard one as it would be for any husband. He was a talker and quick to show emotion and so everyone knew just how hard it was for him. This didn’t bother me as I much prefer to deal with an emotional person then an emotionless person. Plus it makes total sense why one would be sobbing on this day to me. His son was with him but his other children were coming from other states. He bust into sobs off and on and I couldn’t help but shed a few tears myself. Mourning with this family cam easily to me. In such situations I often find myself fighting back tears. Ever since I had kids, if someone is crying, I want to cry with them. Is crying unprofessional? Will it be of comfort or make it worse for the family? Today none of those questions came to mind and I just wanted to share love with these strangers. On one particularly emotional breakdown of the husband’s, I wanted to offer to say a prayer with him - after all we were of the same religion and prayer is just what you need in such a situation. But I have never offered prayer with anyone at work let alone a patients family - who I just meet 1 hour ago. I started to walk away talking myself out of it but quickly told myself to not be a weeny and turned myself back around. At first the husband refused but the son quickly and affirmably said, “yes”. Then the husband admitted, “I don’t think I can say it.” I happily offered to give it and we all knelt in prayer. As long as I am allowed to cry, I am super good at giving sincere prayers. It was awesome and not at all uncomfortable. We were now friends forever. Unified through a trial and love. As luck would have it she became my only patient and so I spent most my time in that room, talking with the husband, reminiscing of their life together and increasing sedation and pain meds for proper effect. She was very comfortable. 4 hrs later, RT finished weaning her off the ventilator and placed her on room air - breathing on her own. Weak from her illness and diseased lungs, once the oxygen was turned off, she quickly started declining and the father and son said their final good byes.

It all reminded me of my own fathers death. The spirit I felt in that room was the same spirit I felt in my fathers hospital room. Love is so calming. I am sure that husband will have a lot of struggle as he transitions from a full time caregiver of his favorite person and partner for 45 years to that of a single man in search of a new role. But I know that like with all difficult trials, if he can but quiet himself, or make himself still enough, he will know that there is a God, feel of his presence and love and make that transition in time to a place as happy if not more happy then any other time in his life. I bear witness that there is a God and he knows and loves each and everyone of us - and there is great power in that.

They Hatched!!

They Hatched!! The chicks prodominently hatched on Mothers day. The first one hatched the day before while I was at work - of course! That is what happend last time. My co-workers thought someone died when I found out. Ryan called me and said, "I have a surprise for you. Listen." Then he put the phone next to the incubator where I could hear the little chick chirping. "What?! No way. I can't believe it" I yelped. "How could this happen. Ryan! I can't believe it! This is terrible!" You know me. When I am excited at all my voice can be heard 50 feet away. So I had the attention of the whole unit. I then quickly explained to my co-workers with an exasperated voice, "My chicks are hatching without me again!" With that everyone went back to work. Why does this not bother anyone else. Did you hear me. MY CHICKS ARE HATCHING WITHOUT ME. Seriously? No one cares? Strange.

Here they are getting dried

They are perking up more now. Chicks are crazy cute. They start getting their feathers quickly and only look like a classic chick for about 3 days. By day 7 they fully have entered what I deem the akward chick faze. Half fluff half feathers.
They hatched all night long and all day on Mothers day. I missed most of them but saw plenty. 28 of the 33 hatched alive and well. One died while trying to hatch. I didn't noticed it piped so I didn't even know it died for a while later. One was struggling and dispite what they say, I helped it hatched and it seems to be doing fine. There was one yoke and 3 that only partially hatched. Of course I had to open all the unhatched eggs. The partially developed ones were so cool and a bit sad......but even more cool! This one still has a giant yoke sack with a lot of innards in it.
Soren picked out a favorite chick and has been loyal ever since. He is so good with them he gets full access at all times. Once I did find him throwing the chick in the air about 3 feet and it was landing on a couch cushion on the floor. "Soren what are you doing?" I questioned in horror. "We don't throw baby chicks!" (how many times have you had to say that to your kids?). "I was just teaching him to fly." He informed me. "That could hurt the chick very badly." With helpful tone Soren explained, "I know. That is why I put a couch cushion down."

My sisters kids stayed with me the following week after the chicks hatched for 3 days. I was so happy I had the chicks. They kept my nieces so busy and happy. They held them constantly.

I love this picture. Just spending quality time with his chick.

I spy a chick. How about you?