Why it takes a village
We had 4 cousins over for a sleep over last night. They range in age from 5 to 12. Xander adores the oldest girls (11 and 12) and they are so sweet to play with him. Well today while playing Guess who with Kamry I over heard their pre game conversations - about smoking and drinking coffee and alcohol. Xander has been asking lots and Lots and LOTS of questions about these things. He notices everyone who is doing it along with people with tattoos and boys with earrings. He tattles to me about anyone doing or having these things. I have to play with this strange balance of guiding him away from these things for himself, yet trying to teach him not to be judgmental about others. It is a tricky balance that I don’t know if I am doing right. Like today when Soren and Xander was giving hypothetical situations.
Soren “what if everyone in the whole world went to a kids birthday party?”
Quinae “Well that would be a lot of gifts.”
Soren, “No, no one brought gifts.”
Quinae, “Well that is selfish.”
Xander, “No, they just forgot.”
Quinae, “That is still selfish.”
Xander, “Well Ulysses forgot to bring a present to Soren’s party.”
Great! Now I have just taught Xander to judge others as selfish if they don’t give him things. You know he is going to remember that for forever and he is going to bring it up often. Of course I back pedel saying we forgive other and don’t expect thing from people otherwise we are selfish, blah blah blah, but I am pretty sure I have doomed myself for a repeat of this conversation.
Anyway back to the village. Today as Kamry and Xander was discussing smoking and coffee. I came into the middle of the conversation.
Karmry, “Yeah, you can get addicted to coffee and will need to drink more and more and more and more.
Xander, “Did you know smoking is bad?”
Kamry, “Yeah, it destroys your body.”
Xander, “Yeah, my friend Elizabeth’s Grandma smoked 85 smokes a day and then had to breath out of a tube with a bag but would take the bag away and would still smoke.”
Kamry, “Are you ever going to smoke?”
Xander shakes his head.
Kamry “are you ever going to drink coffee?”
Xander shakes his head, but it is more in a circular motion.
Kamry waits and smiles.
Xander then admits his thoughts. “Uh, well actually I really want to try smoking, just once.”
Then Kamry launches into anything gruesome and awful she knows about people who smoke.
With all my conversations with Xander he either admits or gives the impression by his questions he would really like to have earrings, tattoos, smoke and maybe drink alcohol and coffee. Pretty much if you are encouraged not to, he would like to do that thing. I don’t know why this is surprising to me. He is a major victim of reverse psychology. So what do we do about this?? All I know is I am glad I got a village to raise this kid. Thanks village!
